Being A Friend: Nurturing Healthy Relationships

by 11 March 202215 comments

ุจูุณู’ู…ู ุงู„ู„ู‡ู ุงู„ุฑูŽู‘ุญู’ู…ูฐู†ู ุงู„ุฑูŽู‘ุญููŠู’ู…ู

In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

We are fortunate if we have that special someone we could call a friend. An individual whom we all take for granted, especially when social media driven friendships predominate our lives, online and offline. A friend whom we have been through thick and thin together is hard to find, even keep. A person who recognises our flaws yet is still willing to work on the friendship instead of walking away at challenging moments when opinionsย clash.

Realistically though, many of us would most probably have a group of close-knit friends which comprise different individuals at different phases of ourย lives. Akin to a case of a revolving door whereby those who enter would be exitingย at one point or another for a multitude of reasons.

It is not a matter of being an opportunistic friend as we form friendships based on mutual understanding andย respect without attaching an expiration date on it. Though we might not gel well or click immediately with certain individuals, it is definitely worthwhile to find out if that particular friendship could develop into a meaningful relationship for both parties involved, which could very well last a lifetime.ย 

Sincerely Smiling

ูˆูŽุนูŽู†ู’ ุฃูŽุจููŠ ุฐูŽุฑูู‘ ู‚ูŽุงู„ูŽ: ู‚ูŽุงู„ูŽ ุฑูŽุณููˆู„ู ุงู„ู„ูŽู‘ู‡ู ุตูŽู„ูŽู‘ู‰ ุงู„ู„ูŽู‘ู‡ู ุนูŽู„ูŽูŠู’ู‡ู ูˆูŽุณูŽู„ูŽู‘ู…ูŽ: ยซู„ูŽุง ุชูŽุญู’ู‚ูุฑูŽู†ูŽู‘ ู…ูู†ูŽ ุงู„ู’ู…ูŽุนู’ุฑููˆูู ุดูŽูŠู’ุฆู‹ุง ูˆูŽู„ูŽูˆู’ ุฃูŽู†ู’ ุชูŽู„ู’ู‚ูŽู‰ ุฃูŽุฎูŽุงูƒูŽ ุจููˆูŽุฌู’ู‡ู ุทู„ูŠู‚ยป . ุฑูŽูˆูŽุงู‡ู ู…ูุณู„ู…

Abu Dharr reported Godโ€™s messenger as saying, โ€œDo not consider any act of kindness insignificant, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face.โ€ (Muslim)

[Mishkat al-Masabih 1894]

It does not have to be a grand, or even an expensive, gesture in order to make and subsequently keep a friend. Smile. Smiling does not cost you anything. In fact, there are manyย positive benefitsย to smiling. In addition to being a positive indicator of an affable person who is easily approachable, smiling is also contagious. This in turn contributes to elevating the overall mood.ย 

Inversely, we have all been guilty of the following at one time or another whether consciously or unintentionally: Faking a smile. One way to spot it is the absence of creases around the eyes that translate into a clear marker of the eye muscles not contracting. Though it is our choice to gift a smile to our friend, just as important is the intention orย niyyahย behind it.ย 

In our quest to uncloak the facade, we need to not be too quick to judge lest it leads to misgivings which are baseless. At times, a friend faking a smile might be hiding an emotional turmoil. It could very well be a sign of emotional distress, ofย a friend in need. It boils down to taking the initiative to reach out as your friend might be embarrassed to ask for help, or even choosing to suppress his or her moments of vulnerability in the misguided belief that being vulnerable in front of you is a sign of weakness.

“I Hear You; I am Listening…”

If one of the keys toย openingย the door in establishing a friendship is with a smile, the next step in cementing this precious relationship is to listen. Talking is easy. Having a meaningful conversation that starts with small talk paves the way to deeper interactions, such as learning about another culture. Conversely, when you are encountering difficulty in holding a conversation, just start off by asking questions.

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On the other end of the spectrum of talking is listening. Seems fairly easy and straightforward. However, upon scrutiny it is the opposite. You could hear yourself talking, but how often do you stop to listen to your friend? How keen are you in not just listening butย activelyย listening in order to ask follow up questions? When we take an interest in others, we do not just talk about ourselves to them, but we also take the time to listen to what they have to say and share.

Drawing A Line

There are times when boundaries need to be set.

Know when to walk away, especially in toxic relationships. An opportunistic friend would only treat you like a stepping stone in their own pursuit of success with no respect to your own needs. You are entitled to prioritise you! At the end of the day, you are the constant variable in the friendship. You cannot control others’ feelings and views except yourย own. Keep your distance emotionally, temporarily, if need be. A friendship is not built on grains of sand.ย 

ุจุงุจ ู…ูŽุง ุฌูŽุงุกูŽ ูููŠ ุทูŽู„ูŽุจู ุงู„ู’ุนูู„ู’ู…ูุญูŽุฏูŽู‘ุซูŽู†ููŠ ุนูŽู†ู’ ู…ูŽุงู„ููƒูŒุŒ ุฃูŽู†ูŽู‘ู‡ู ุจูŽู„ูŽุบูŽู‡ู ุฃูŽู†ูŽู‘ ู„ูู‚ู’ู…ูŽุงู†ูŽ ุงู„ู’ุญูŽูƒููŠู…ูŽุŒ ุฃูŽูˆู’ุตูŽู‰ ุงุจู’ู†ูŽู‡ู ููŽู‚ูŽุงู„ูŽ ูŠูŽุง ุจูู†ูŽู‰ูŽู‘ ุฌูŽุงู„ูุณู ุงู„ู’ุนูู„ูŽู…ูŽุงุกูŽ ูˆูŽุฒูŽุงุญูู…ู’ู‡ูู…ู’ ุจูุฑููƒู’ุจูŽุชูŽูŠู’ูƒูŽ ููŽุฅูู†ูŽู‘ ุงู„ู„ูŽู‘ู‡ูŽ ูŠูุญู’ูŠููŠ ุงู„ู’ู‚ูู„ููˆุจูŽ ุจูู†ููˆุฑู ุงู„ู’ุญููƒู’ู…ูŽุฉู ูƒูŽู…ูŽุง ูŠูุญู’ูŠููŠ ุงู„ู„ูŽู‘ู‡ู ุงู„ุฃูŽุฑู’ุถูŽ ุงู„ู’ู…ูŽูŠู’ุชูŽุฉูŽ ุจููˆูŽุงุจูู„ู ุงู„ุณูŽู‘ู…ูŽุงุกู

Yahya related to me from Malik that he heard that Luqman al-Hakim made his will and counselled his son, saying, “My son! Sit with the learned men and keep close to them. Allah gives life to the hearts with the light of wisdom as Allah gives life to the dead earth with the abundant rain of the sky.”

[Book 59, Hadith 1]

It is a two way street. As much as you should dare to head for the exit by ending the friendship and not look back, you are also obligated to respect limits set by friends. Such as not impinging on their privacy by prying into their private lives.

Be A Friend To Yourself First

We are constantly plagued by feelings of guilt and hesitation in making such decisions. A matter of personal reflection is worth embarking upon in order to grow as mature individuals by reviewing our roles in the demise of the friendship before walking away.

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At the very core, we need toย take accountability. How do you rate yourself as aย friend? Are you an absent friend? A reliable friend? Or, areย you someone who is meek in thought and actions that you rather succumb to peer pressure and choose to be bullied because of the irrational fear of being alone?

At the same time, consider theย following, too โ€” our friendships are not just limited to those with opposable thumbs and look like us. Have you also been a good friend to yourย pet?

Fostering forthright friendships is never easy albeit we constantly build friendships throughout our lives. Yet, how many of us could be truly honest with ourselves that we also put in as much effort in retaining those friendships and ensuring they are healthy relationships, for all involved, too?


About The Author

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  1. Umar Idi barde

    Appreciate alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah

    • Nada

      Inshallah I will be more aware of my friends feelings and thoughts towards my self to how I can be more true to my self and others inshallah.

    • Rokaiya

      Jazak Allah. Allahhuakbar . Beautifully said โค๏ธ

  2. Hakeem Kilanko

    Food for thought
    Very interesting n informative articles! Applications would definitely improve my perceptions of life! Thanks!

    • Mariam

      Jazaku Allahu khair

      • Tagoymurod


  3. Sanni Kafilat

    Very interesting

  4. Amina

    Well done, this is so inspiring and really relevant to the present situation and circumstances of many in the world we live in today. Mashallah mashallah alhamdulilah May Allah increase your iman Amin

  5. John Pollard

    Thank you for the article, I found this helpful tonight! To all my friends in all traditions I am focusing on being my own friend today and hopefully soon we may learn a better way of respecting one another throughout the world.

  6. Sharifa

    Maa shaa Allah. I love this article. Subhannallah, through my life I have been the person that other people depend on if needed and since am not the kind to easily ask for help I always feels burden and emotional tired and eventually fall out of those relationships. I have not have friends since after my college years. But am not giving up on finding that friend that we can understand each other. And not those who will use me when they need me and ignore me if they dont.

  7. zoritoler imol

    You made some good points there. I did a search on the issue and found most persons will agree with your site.

  8. Halimah

    Thank you for the article, it was well articulated and it is very helpful. May Allah increase you in wisdom.

    Personally I have not been lucky with friends. However, I am still hopeful that Allah will bless me with a friend that we will truly care and look out for each other.

  9. Shanavas.M.A



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